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Goal Post Vol 3 #9

posted May 22, 2012, 8:45 PM by Peter Wallstrum

Goal Post

Vol. 3 Notch #9, 2012

The Mother of All Coed Soccer Newsletters

Obscure Pop Culture References a Specialty

Do Not Go Directly to Goal


There is just no telling who’s going to be making room on their mantle for the Dunning Cup this year. Despite a run of four wins on the trot I still cannot convince myself that the ‘Canes can go the distance; he said somewhat controversially and awaiting a torrent of irate emails from the Red side of town. But then again I cannot convince myself that any team has what it takes. I guess what I am saying is I did a cracking good job making toast and the teams pretty gosh darn equally awful this season (he said expecting a torrent of irate emails from all over town). Kate and Dean of the Wright Stuff might not be 100% in agreement with me on this turbulent topic but I do think the Wright Stuff has the makings so long as enough of the Stuff shows up, so to speak…. It will not be until late August before we discover who destiny chooses to ride shotgun.

 

With the weather providing more assists than Xavi and Iniesta we once again pitted our wits, ball skills, and under armor against differential barometric pressure. If it’s Tuesday it must be Belgium, but if it’s Thursday it’s gotta be windy. So the old saying goes.

 

Archbishop TwoTwo in Town

Down on Santi’s farm it was time for the Pink Panthers to get back on track - that they did if you believe Justin “Usain Bolt” Long’s side of the story. From his point of view the Panthers won 4-2 but alas the referee’s (hard nose spoil sports that they can sometimes be) had different record keeping techniques only recording two goals in the Panthers column. Fortunately for the Panthers the referees only added a couple of goals in the OBG column too. It was tutus all around.

 

Pints Shake Up Six Pack, Leave Them Foaming

The Pints are pouring it on these days, despite going through goalkeepers as quick as Peter “Grizzly Adams” Wallstrum can down an Icky. With the precision of a pair of Romanian professors they pulled the tabs off of Team Six Pack one by one, notching up four goals as quick as Peter Wallstrum could get the cap off his second icky.

 

Santa Claus Came to Town

Amid the chaos of NV1 and NV3 on NV2 the buoyant Bhoys & Ghirls were brought down to earth as quick as you could say “Skylab”. The opportunistic Chaingang must have thought that Christmas had come early as the BGs presented them five goals all wrapped up with pretty bows. At 1-1 Fred “Santa Claus” Barrett swung at the ball with the precision of a sailor at 1am on a Saturday in a foreign port-of-call that had the Chaingang’s gleeful Mark Young writing him a thank you card before the ball found the old onion bag. 2-1 Chaingang. Early in the second half Fred was getting himself on Mike Reynolds’ thank you card list too. A gentle tap from behind had Mr. Reynolds doing the best Greg Louganis impression since, well Greg Louganis. PK to the Chaingang. Reynolds steps up. Places the ball. Hits the ball. Save! Rebound straight to Reynolds. He hits it again. Save! Meanwhile on the edge of the area the BGs defenders admire the efforts of their keeper from afar, humming that famous Clash number “Should I Stay, Or Should I Go”. Meanwhile back in the box, Reynolds gets his third strike at the old pig’s bladder, this time the now beached whale that is the BG’s GK cannot make it up in time to make a third save. 3-1 Chaingang. Meanwhile the BGs are still at least 18 yards away from the action wondering whether it was London Calling from the faraway zone that is the goal line…. Think about it. And so went the rest of the evening. At 5-1 down with only minutes remaining the BG’s made it a wee bit more respectable with two late goals. The latter was a goal of extraordinary quality from the feet of Scott “can I bum a fag off yee” Morton. The technique was surely borrowed straight from the pages of Maurice “Just Say Aaahsome” Palermo’s bestselling tome “Executing the Perfect Bicycle Kick”. Now, before I get irate emails about the apparent adult nature of this last sentence please understand that British slang somewhat differs from yours. With a final of 5-3 the Chaingang vault over the tumbling Bhoys & Ghirls into second place hot on the heels of the streaking ‘Canes.

 

BB is King of the Goal Scoring Charts

Fortunately when I say streaking ‘Canes, that does not mean Jeremy “Geriatric Gerrard” Sumner has gone “au naturelle”. But it does mean that the ‘Canes have now put four unsuspecting teams to the sword in quick succession. A brace of braces from Brian “you will fall into a deep, deep sleep” Buehler and Rich “the Lionel Messi of the Truckee Meadows” Reid has put the ‘Canes in poll position and the Wright Stuff wondering when they will start a game with eleven on the field. It really does seem like Kate plus eight on occasion. Given the numerical handicap and a rapidly reworked line-up, a 4-2 defeat to the league leaders is something to write an email to the whole roster about….

 

FAQ

Q - Why do the Bhoys & Ghirls get the most column inches?

A - Cos that’s the game I always get to watch. I have to make it up for the other 3 games.

 

Standings & Stats

See attachment.

Stats of the week:

Thus far 12.8% of this season’s goals have been scored by Romanians.

Thus far 20% of the goals scored by women have been scored by mothers.

 

Santiago’s Camp

Santiago one of OBG’s captains hosts a youth soccer camp each summer at Reno High School as a fundraiser for Reno High’s soccer program. Check out the attached flyer. Santiago is a great coach; I know it will be fun and rewarding experience for all the kids attending. See attachment.

                                               

Results May 10th

            OBG 2 v 2 Pink Panthers                                

            Chaingang 5 v 3 Bhoys & Ghirls                    

            Team 6 Pack 0 v 4 Lift ‘n Pints                      

            Wright Stuff 2 v 4 Red Canes                         

                                               

Games May 24th

            OBG v Lift ‘n Pints                              Reno High School

            Chaingang v Team 6 Pack                   NV2

            Blue Mooners v Bhoys & Ghirls                      NV3

            Pink Panthers v Red Canes                  NV1

            Wright Stuff = bye

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