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Goalpost Vol 5 #2

posted Apr 28, 2014, 9:12 AM by Jim Magrogan

 

The Goalpost

Brought to You by

Chris Smith, Realtor

csmithrealty@yahoo.com

let Chris move you in or move you on

The 10th Season

Vol. 5 #2

The Mother of All Coed Soccer Newsletters

Reggie: the Sequel

Spelt with U or maybe me in mind

 

A waning gibbous moon, the warm caress of a setting sun, cumuli scattered across a blue sky and a gentle breeze witnessed the kick-off of our 10th season. All that was missing was a grandiose over-the-top opening ceremony. Despite a relentless effort, I was not able to convince Bob Cashell to light Scott Morton’s e-cigarette (RSCSL’s version of an eternal flame) nor could I persuade the Reno Philharmonic to perform a rambunctious version of Rule Britannia, sorry I meant Star Spangled Banner. Not even Scotty McScotty McKiwi McAndrew was responsive to performing a Haka. Instead the games just started with the discordant whimper of a referee’s whistle. But began they did and what games they were, as nobbly knees and bruised shins became entangled in a quest for personal triumph and a combined odyssey in search of that coveted chalice: the Dunning Cup.

 

Fresh from the Teleprinter - Week 1 -  April 17 Results

Chaingang 5 v 0 Quattro                           

Paperless Tigers 4 v 2 Wright Stuff            

Euro Envy 0 v 5 OBG Stoners          

Golden Slumbers 3 v 5 Bhoys & Ghirls     

Surgical Strikers 4 v 2 Real Studs             

 

Clinical Finishing Nails Studs

Despite an early lead forged by Jason “one goal” Cole’s diving header (that some say did not cross the line) and Ira Crossthelineitdid’s penalty kick the Studs endeavours were not the framework for lasting success. The newly-named Surgical Strikers fought back to give hope to Kim and Steve that the Dunning Cup may become a permanent fixture upon their mantle. Braces from Mindi “I have now scored more than you Tracy G” Pons and Greg “the one with the hair” Stimpson secured a Strikers’ victory.

 

Goalkeeper’s Strike Looming…

Two of the league’s most coveted keepers found themselves on the end of some ruthless finishing. Mark “the 300” Johnson and Mike “The Great Wall of Cork” Milligan must have felt like clean laundry as they were hung out to dry.

 

Johnson’s Massage Envy looked tight until Shelly “Green Shorts” Avansino exquisitely placed shot broke the game wide open (and Mark’s heart) freeing the masons to begin a veritable goal fest on NV2. The pivotal moment came early in the second half when Envy’s Dave “Jigsaw” Barnes (long lost cousin of Dan “Jigsaw” Henriksen) was brought to ground by a scything tackle from Gary “One L” Albright. With a Babe Ruth like air Barnes nonchalantly placed the ball on the spot and pointed skyward, then with Beckamesque-like precision sent the ball into this summer’s air races, rapidly earning himself a new nickname. It was all downhill from there as Gary One L and his fellow AARP members sent the Envy uphill to fetch a pail of water.

 

On neighbouring NV1 the Chaingang were quick out of their orange tracksuits and shackles, leaving the Great Wall of Cork not short of a few expletives. The 2014 Quattro was being road-tested for the first time and it looks like it is in need of a tune-up. Not even when the Great Wall took it for a spin up the field could the Chaingang’s defense be unlocked. And that brought unbridled joy to Reggie “Tour de France” Bolden who finally got his shutout. Bolden was so happy he immediately called his mum gave me a smacker after the game (and I liked it).

 

Murders at the Rue Manogue

Meanwhile about twelve miles south on 395, no I mean 580, no 395, no 580, at Bishop Manogue all kinds of drama was most likely unfolding. Two ding-dong battles were being fought as many of the usual suspects started to add even more notches to the proverbial goalposts of their football fantasies. Nicolets, Mortons, Reynolds, Nicolescus and Andrews were ruffling the old onion bags left right and center in the biggest goal fest since, well, the last games of last season!

 

Fees

If you have not paid your registration fee, you MUST do so soon. The league depends on you. You know who I am and where to find me. Or give it to your skippers.

 

The Goalpost 

Got something to sell? Looking for employees? Got something you want to say? Whatever it is feel free to use this fine publication to reach an educated and affluent audience! Maybe you want to join the editorial and writing staff of this award-winning newsletter – just send it!

 

For Your Future Entertainment:

 

Week  2 Schedule  April 24

Forecast – warm and dry by British standards.

Chaingang v Bhoys & Ghirls              Bishop Manogue 2

Paperless Tigers v Quattro                  North Valleys 1

Euro Envy v Surgical Strikers            North Valleys 2

OBG Stoners v Golden Slumbers        Bishop Manogue 1

Real Studs v Wright Stuff                   North Valleys 3

 

Our Sponsors

All our sponsors have a league connection and they might just be able to help you with:

 

Bike needs – Brain Crowder, Peloton Bicyles

Tax needs – Cory Wright

Insurance needs – Paul Roberti, Liberty Mutual

Landscaping needs – Richmond Breen

Relaxation needs – Klaus Grimm, Massage Envy

Data management needs – Justin Long, PDI

All your anesthesia needs – Brian Buehler

Appendix removal and more – Martin Bain, Nick Spoerke, Western Surgical

New car needs – Audi of Reno

Construction needs – Ira Cross, Tahoe Lumber

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