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Goalpost Vol. 5 #4

posted May 9, 2014, 6:06 PM by Jim Magrogan

The Goalpost

Brought to You by

Chris Smith, Realtor

let Chris move you in or move you on

The 10th Season

Vol. 5 #4

The Mother of All Coed Soccer Newsletters

Reggie: the Sequel

All the News Worth Making Up

Bumper Pictorial Keepsake Edition

Fair & Balanced

Warning – this newsletter contains photographs some may find disturbing


Thursday May 8th – 6pm KO

Forecast – 70 ish degrees F - baking hot, calm & dry by British standards

Chaingang v Real Studs                               North Valleys 1

Paperless Tigers v Bhoys & Ghirls               North Valleys 2

Euro Envy v Wright Stuff                              North Valleys 3

Golden Slumbers v Surgical Strikers           Bishop Manogue

OBG Stoners v Quattro                                Reno High



Fresh  from the Teleprinter – May 1st Results

Chaingang 6 v 2 Wright Stuff                      

Paperless Tigers 1 v 2 OBG Stoners                      

Euro Envy 0 v 4 Quattro                             

Golden Slumbers 4 v 7 Real Studs                        

Surgical Strikers 3 v 3 Bhoys & Ghirls                   


Blow-by-blow give-and-go ends in sew-and-go

Returning to familiar turf of NV1 the Chaingang got back to business with a convincing victory over the Wright Stuff. However, the game was not without incident as the clot thickened, sorry plot. Ken “Sportsdome” Lancaster went head to head with Austin “hard hat” Sweet in aerial combat that had them both seeing stars. It was not so much a give-and-go as it was a sew-and-go. The result: a couple of headaches and a 9 to 4 stitch count, which has captains from both teams claiming bonus league points should be awarded. In the ensuing chaos inflicted upon Chaingang’s defensive line up, the Wright Stuff’s Stacy “Elvis” Castillo found herself in the right place at the right time (and I am not talking lunchtime at Wells Fargo) to open her personal account with a goal-of-the-season contender. Conjuring memories of Ricky Villa for Tottenham in the 1982 cup final, Castillo turned two Chaingang defenders inside out before presenting Reggie the Razorback with the proverbial Myristica fragans as she slotted home the cherished orb. Since Castillo has been on cloud nine whilst Reggie has been wallowing in a certain Egyptian river.


Kenny “Sportsdome” Lancaster, Chaingang 9 (stitches)


Austin “Hard Hat” Sweet, Wright Stuff 4 (stitches)


Dr. Nick Sews Up Emorton

The fastest Scotsman since Alan Wells, Escott Emorton was literally taking the Strikers breath away with break away after break away in the opening quarter. Heap and Kershaw, the Terry and Cahill of the Truckee Meadows, were left feeling they were two-pack-a-day guys (sounds like a Gilbert O’Sullivan song) as Emorton scythed his way goal ward.  Then, like Clark Kent, Dr. Nick arrived like the Lone Ranger atop Choctaw ridge. With a quick spin in the phone booth his shinguards were on and Emorton’s escapades were numbered. Once the Bhoys & Ghirls most offensive striker was shackled the Strikers were back in the game and before you could say “has Shawn “Sportsdome II” Stimpson bought a wig?”, Greg ”the one with hair” Stimpson and Lindsay “this is a stroll in the” Parks had knotted the game up at 3-3.


Stuck in the Middle Without Ryan McDonald

The Euro Envy crisis is eclipsing events in the Ukraine. Riddled with injury and absence, puzzled skipper Dan “Jigsaw” Henriksen can’t buy a goal let alone a vowel (even for absent striker Caitlyn Wrcytshkzxjk) as he allowed Mike “The Great Wall of Cork” Milligan to intimidate him to the point where he sent a PK off the NV1 goal post, whilst actually playing on NV2. As things get tense in Envy’s post-game massage parlor, Quattro are beginning to purr like a finally tuned German driving machine, netting 4 times to erase the bitter memories of only a few weeks ago.  As Euro Envy continue investigations into their disastrous kick-off they must surely realize it is time to call in the Feds and get Ryan “Agent Cooper” McDonald back on the case. 


Reno High: the Home of the Stoners…

OBG continue to ride the high only stoners can (mis)understand as they extended their winning record at the expense of the Paperless Tigers. Not that it was easy, playing on a soccer field unidentifiable to Southwest pilots and on the ground reminiscent of an early Kandinsky. Once the refs had located the penalty spot Mircea the Merciless put the Tigers in front. Things were beginning to look grim for the brother-sisterhood but after a chippy beginning the Stoners finally lit up and began to sculpt their destiny with goals from Santi “is he in the country this week?” Esparza and Laurie “hip check” Hadwick carving a 2-1 triumph.


Set Your Nail Guns to Stunning

At half time the Slumbers must have been thinking their season had finally begun. Winning 3-0, it all seemed just a pedestrian matter to reach the finishing line. Even Karen “Grandma” Hechinger could see a notch in the “W” column. But whilst she took her customary second-half nap all hell broke loose. Fired up by the headmasterly Dean “Dr. K” Kasparian, the Studs came out with their nail guns caulked for action. By the time Ms. Hechinger had awoke from her siesta she found the Slumbers had also been administered a general anesthetic as the Studs embarked on a 7 goal second half blitz that propelled the Studs to the dizzy heights of a two-game winning streak, an unparalleled event in the history of this fledgling franchise.



If you have not paid your registration fee, you MUST do so soon. The league depends on you. You can go online to to pay by credit card, or you can mail a  check to the RSCSL at 5694 Tappan Drive or you can deliver to me in person at the fields or at the Sportsdome. Or give it to your skippers.


The Goalpost 

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Indoor Soccer

Despite the fact that outdoor soccer is now getting into full swing, indoor soccer continues, even for us older folks. Men’s over 40 plays Monday and Tuesday evenings and senior coed now shifts to Tuesday nights. If you would like to get involved, go to to find out what is going on. Owen at the dome might well be able to find you a team.












I (Andrew) have a friend who has a house keeping; house-sitting; pet-keeping business. She is looking to drum up business. I know she will do a great job for you. So, if you are in the market or know someone in the market call Amy at 775-560-1462; mention my name. Or if you prefer, contact me at .


I (Andrew) also have a son who is looking for work this summer while home from college. Ideally he is looking for the opportunity to “intern” in an engineering environment, but he will venture beyond. He is a very smart, diligent young man with an impeccable academic record. If you are looking for some temporary help or know someone who is, let me send you his resume. Contact me at .


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Our Sponsors

All our sponsors have a league connection and they might just be able to help you with:


Bike needs – Brian Crowder, Peloton Bicycles

Tax needs – Cory Wright

Insurance needs – Paul Roberti, Liberty Mutual

Landscaping needs – Richmond Breen

Relaxation needs – Klaus Grimm, Massage Envy

Data management needs – Justin Long, PDI

All your anesthesia needs – Brian Buehler

Appendix removal and more – Martin Bain, Nick Spoerke, Western Surgical

New car needs – Audi of Reno

Construction needs – Ira Cross, Tahoe Lumber