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Goalpost Volume 4 #4

posted Apr 15, 2013, 8:06 AM by Jim Magrogan

The Goalpost

Vol. 4 #4

The Mother of All Coed Soccer Newsletters

Hyperbole a Plenty

All the News that is Worth Making Up

Cheekier than a Torrid Romance Novel

 

Match Day One

Caressed by the gentle twilight of an April eve, finely toned and finely tuned athletes from all corners of the Truckee Meadows and beyond took gracefully to the manicured meadows, real or otherwise. Adorned in the finely woven threads of the orient, with hearts bursting with renewed hope and ambition, with the smell of victory, moldy socks and sagebrush pollen loitering in their nostrils the brave warriors of the RSCSL began another sure to be action-packed season littered with diabolical back-passes, gorgeous goals, mutilated muscles, the knee braces of outrageous fortune and misfortune (that is almost Shakespearean), astonishing goal mouth scrambles, hyperbolic claims, superhuman saves, second guessing, crossbars pinged, referees cursed, run on sentences, a litany of would’ve, should’ve, could’ve moments, a pint of bitter or two, heart-breaking moments of agony, heart-warming moments of ecstasy, lost soccer balls, cracked nuts, another pint of bitter or two, and colossal doses of denial.

 In the most emphatic victory of the evening the Golden Slumbers obviously did not have their alarms set for snooze as they set about shredding the Paper Tigers 5-1 in the league’s inaugural game on the hallowed open prairie that is Bishop Manogue stadium.

 The visitors at Reno High were more fortunate as Euro Envy managed a narrow 2-1 victory over the distracted Stoners…. According to Klaus “the Terminator” Grimm, the goal of the season has already been scored by none other than Klaus “the Terminator” Grimm, beating Jim “Casey” Keller from apparently some 250 yards out. However, the Stoners’ Jordan “named for two countries” France has also laid claim to that honor as her balletic header made her the envy of the Envy defense as they stood by adoringly as if they were permanent fixtures in a statue garden outside La Scala.

 Farther up 395 three games played out upon lush pastures of North Valleys Regional Park. Team quattro relinquished poll position early in the game to the Chaingang (it is almost a tale of tortoise and hare but in reverse) but after a succession of goalkeeper changes more complex than the House of Tudor, Team quattro found a few more gears to claw their way back into contention before Mircea the Merciless struck with two late goals to pedal the Chaingang comfortably across the finish line. One field over witnessed the tightest game of the evening. The Slashers (aka the Liverpool Supporter’s Club) sliced and diced a path through the opposition on numerous occasions but failed to penetrate the rear guard presented by the Bhoys & Ghirls (aka the Celtic Supporter’s Club) until the climatic moment of the game when Dan “Hurricane” Henriksen finally rescued a point with a miss hit shot that cancelled out Katie “I shall hold my jersey hostage” McMorales’ miss hit net busting shot for the Bhoys & Ghirls. Sliding over one more time Kate “plus 8” Heeran and Dean “site supervisor” Kasparian found themselves in the unfamiliar position of having a starting 22; one might say they had far more Real Studs to nail than they could ever dream. Alas, they were matched up against the Wright Stuff rather than the wrong stuff. The Wright Stuff hit the turf running with Chris “Oh my darling Clementine” Kahl leading the charge, bagging a brace that made the difference in a 4-2 triumph.

 Match Day 1 Scores

 

4/11

Golden Slumbers 5 v 1 Paper Tigers

6pm

Bishop Manogue HS

4/11

Euro Envy 2 v 1 OBG Stoners

6pm

Reno HS

4/11

Real Studs 2 v 4 Wright Stuff

6pm

North Valley 1

4/11

Bhoys & Ghirls 1 v 1 Slashers

6pm

North Valley 2

4/11

Chaingang 4 v 2 Team quattro

6pm

North Valley 3

 

Full statistics and standings coming soon.

 

Match Day 2 Schedule

A few days out still, but another very promising weather forecast looms on the horizon, in fact almost identical to last week. If this isn’t evidence of climate change, I am not sure what is. Pleasant conditions on an April evening in Reno (on a Thursday no less) is as likely as Jim “och the noo” McWilson putting one in from outside the six yard box. 

 

4/18

Golden Slumbers v Bhoys & Ghirls

6pm

Bishop Manogue HS

4/18

Real Studs v OBG Stoners

6pm

Reno HS

4/18

Chaingang v Wright Stuff

6pm

North Valley

4/18

Team quattro v Paper Tigers

6pm

North Valley

4/18

Euro Envy v Slashers

6pm

North Valley

 Field Maintenance

The ecstasy of victory and agony of defeat can be a distraction as the officials toot the final whistle but we need to make sure we leave the fields in better condition than we found them. Trash needs to be gathered, flags put away and so forth. This is especially true at Bishop Manogue and Reno High; please make sure we assist Amber and Santiago in clean up (their names and reputations are associated with these fields!).

 Lost & Found

One red Santa Clara Bronco sweatshirt left at North Valleys, currently in the possession of Scott McMorton of the Bhoys & Ghirls. He will have it with him at Bishop Manogue this coming Thursday.

 Money, Money, Money

A polite reminder to those that have not yet coughed up the dough… If you chose to pay by check or cash and have not yet done so, please try to do so as soon as possible as many of our bills are paid upfront at the beginning of the season. Chances are you will find me at Home Field on a Monday evening, the Sportsdome on a Tuesday evening or you can improve the chances of saving Saturday mail delivery by mailing your check to 5694 Tappan Drive, Reno NV 89523. Checks are payable to RSCSL. Or maybe bring payment to the games or the bar. A lot of bills are coming due so please, please settle up!

 Coney Island and Beyond

Good turn out at Coney Island first week, let’s keep it up! East on 80, take 4th street exit, turn right at the bottom of the ramp and you are there.

 Letting Your Captain(s) Know

I cannot emphasize how important it is to let your captains know about your attendance at games each week. It really helps with the planning, cuts down on last minute scrambling on a Wednesday night and Thursday morning for subs, and making sure we can get the subs as many games as possible while not creating dug out overpopulation.

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